#2

Writing to me is like silent, verbal, diarrhea. I hadn't the effort to care if my grammar or sentence structure is like crap, but it makes me feel better getting it out of the system, because I don't see myself talking to many people about dreams, emotions or feelings. This is a better way- I like one sided conversations. By the way, please don't ever trust your feelings/emotions because they're all lies. Also, don't trust people (other than your parents), because they would always fail you. I'm sorry, there isn't anything left to trust anymore. The fallen world's just like that- betrayed.

I've been disturbed at how fleeting the sense of pleasure escapes like a very clever thief. I see myself buying weekly parcels of new clothes (partly because I'm very lazy to do laundry, but that's besides the point) just to feel happy. Buying 5 minutes of euphoria each week after receiving a parcel, is getting to be quite expensive, but thank God for the intermittent season sales. I see myself getting bored after donning each outfit once, or how I'm happy for exactly 10 minutes after knowing my grades of 4 straight As, and then it just poofs into thin air, and I don't think very much of it anymore- like it was meant to happen anyway, irregardless of my effort.

It bothers me that I'm so like that. Should I be less demanding of myself and everything else? Are imperfections, okay? (I don't think so.)


Lesson #2- Go to bed early, get up early--this is wise. - Mark Twain
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Well enough for old folks to rise early, because they have done so many mean things all their lives they can't sleep anyhow.

- Notebook, 1866
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I hate a man who goes to sleep at once; there is a sort of indefinable something about it which is not exactly an insult, and yet is an insolence. I got to feeling very lonely, with no company but an undigested dinner.

- A Tramp Abroad